Funny Funeral Poems
About Funny Funeral Poems
Laughter at a funeral is not disrespectful -- it is one of the highest tributes you can pay to someone who brought joy. These funny and light-hearted poems suit celebrations of life where the deceased would have wanted smiles, not just tears.
Best Funny Funeral Poems
The most meaningful funny funeral poems chosen for funeral services, ranked by how often they are read at memorial services.
“If I Should Go” — Joyce Grenfell
Grenfell's gentle instruction to carry on as normal. "Weep if you must, parting is hell, but life goes on, so sing as well." The balance of warmth and wit is perfection.
If I should go before the rest of you, Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone. Nor, when I'm gone, speak in a Sunday voice, But be the usual selves that I have known.
“Warning” — Jenny Joseph
A defiant celebration of living fully. Voted the UK's most popular post-war poem. Perfect for women who lived with spirit and refused to conform.
When I am an old woman I shall wear purple With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me. And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
“Pardon Me for Not Getting Up” — Unknown
Written from the deceased's perspective with self-deprecating humour about being dead. The puns ("stiff," "boring host") break the tension. Often gets a genuine laugh at services.
Oh dear, if you're reading this right now, I must have given up the ghost. I hope you can forgive me for being Such a stiff and boring host.
“Life Is a Jest” — John Gay
John Gay's actual epitaph, written in the 1700s. Two lines of perfectly executed gallows humour that has survived three centuries because it says everything.
Life is a jest, and all things show it. I thought so once; but now I know it.
“Spike Milligan's Epitaph” — Spike Milligan
Milligan's actual epitaph, inscribed on his gravestone in Irish ("Duirt me leat go raibh me breoite"). One line of perfect gallows humour from the master of comedy.
I told you I was ill.
All Funny Funeral Poems (18)
Browse every funny funeral poems in our collection, sorted by popularity.
Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
Eric Idle / Monty Python
Some things in life are bad, They can really make you sad, Other things just make you mad.
— Eric Idle / Monty Python
Copyright Eric Idle. From Monty Python's Life of Brian (1979).
Monty Python's irreverent anthem — often sung at funerals by crowds as the ultimate celebration-of-life song.
Best moment: Sung at the close of a celebration of life
Pairs with: My Way, What a Wonderful World
If I Should Go
Joyce Grenfell
If I should go before the rest of you, Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone. Nor when I'm gone speak in a Sunday voice, But be the usual selves that I have known.
— Joyce Grenfell
Copyright Joyce Grenfell Estate.
A characteristically witty farewell asking mourners to skip the formalities and just be their usual selves — the ones she knew and loved.
Best moment: Read during the service or eulogy
Pairs with: My Way, Here Comes the Sun
Warning (When I Am an Old Woman)
Jenny Joseph
When I am an old woman I shall wear purple With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
— Jenny Joseph
Copyright Jenny Joseph Estate. Published by Souvenir Press.
A joyful rebellion against convention — when I am old I shall wear purple, eat three pounds of sausages, and make up for the sobriety of my youth.
Best moment: During the eulogy, especially for a spirited woman
Pairs with: My Way, Here Comes the Sun
Pardon Me for Not Getting Up
Unknown
Oh dear, if you're reading this right now, I must have given up the ghost. I hope you can forgive me for being Such a stiff and unwelcoming host. Just talk amongst yourselves, my friends, And share a drink or two. For I am sure you'll all agree — It's what I'd like to do. Don't worry about prior engagements, I won't be offended, you see. Just go ahead and cancel them all, And come and remember me. Don't stand on ceremony now. Make sure that you have fun. Remember I'm not really gone, I've just gone out to lunch. Pardon me for not getting up, I'd like to raise a toast. So please enjoy the party — It's the most I can do as your host.
— Unknown
A hilarious farewell from the departed, apologising for being a 'stiff host' and inviting everyone to enjoy the party in their absence.
Best moment: Read at the start of the wake or during the service for comic relief
Pairs with: My Way, Here Comes the Sun
My Epitaph
Spike Milligan
I told you I was ill.
— Spike Milligan
Spike Milligan (d. 2002). Written in Irish on his gravestone as 'Duirt me leat go raibh me breoite.'
Spike Milligan's actual gravestone epitaph — one line of perfect gallows humour.
Best moment: Shared at a celebration of life or engraved on a headstone
Pairs with: My Way, What a Wonderful World
Have a Nice Day
Spike Milligan
I told you I was ill. Don't cry for me now, it's all a big joke. Smile, wave goodbye, and have a nice day.
— Spike Milligan
Copyright Spike Milligan Estate.
Classic Milligan humour — his famous epitaph 'I told you I was ill' and a farewell that insists on laughter over tears.
Best moment: During the eulogy or as a light moment in the service
Pairs with: My Way, Here Comes the Sun
Let's Drink to the Dead Already
Traditional Irish
Let's drink to the dead already, And hurrah for the next that dies!
— Traditional Irish
Traditional Irish wake toast — short, punchy, capturing the Irish tradition of celebrating death alongside mourning.
Best moment: At the wake, as a toast
The Cremation of Sam McGee (excerpt)
Robert W. Service
There are strange things done in the midnight sun By the men who moil for gold; The Arctic trails have their secret tales That would make your blood run cold; The Northern Lights have seen queer sights, But the queerest they ever did see Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge I cremated Sam McGee.
— Robert W. Service
Opening stanza of Service's darkly comedic narrative poem about a frozen man who only feels warm when cremated.
Best moment: Read at a celebration of life for an adventurous soul
Woodland Burial
Pam Ayres
Don't lay me in some gloomy churchyard shaded by a wall Where the dust of ancient bones has spread a spectre over all.
— Pam Ayres
Copyright Pam Ayres.
Pam Ayres' witty request for a natural burial in the woods rather than a gloomy churchyard — let bluebells grow over me.
Best moment: During the eulogy or at a woodland burial service
Pairs with: What a Wonderful World, Here Comes the Sun
With These Hands
Pam Ayres
With these hands I've painted walls, Cleaned up after meals and falls, Washed the dishes, wiped the floors, Polished handles, painted doors.
— Pam Ayres
Copyright Pam Ayres.
A wry catalogue of all the things a woman's hands have done — from cleaning to comforting — told with Pam Ayres' trademark humour.
Best moment: During the eulogy for a mum or grandma
Pairs with: Wind Beneath My Wings, My Way
A Long Cup of Tea
Michael Ashby
She'd say, 'sit down, love, have a cup of tea,' And somehow make the whole world right. She solved the problems of the universe With a biscuit and a cuppa every night.
— Michael Ashby
Copyright Michael Ashby.
A warmly funny tribute to the British tradition of solving everything with a cup of tea — and the woman who made it.
Best moment: During the eulogy for a mum or grandma who loved her tea
Pairs with: What a Wonderful World, In My Life
Life Is a Jest
John Gay
Life is a jest, and all things show it. I thought so once, and now I know it. My own epitaph.
— John Gay
John Gay's famously brief epitaph — life is a joke, I always suspected it, and now that I'm dead, I know it for certain.
Best moment: Printed on memorial cards or headstones
Pairs with: My Way
Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep (Parody)
Unknown
Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep. I am the thousand winds that blow... Actually, forget that, I'm watching the football.
— Unknown
A playful parody of the most famous funeral poem, ending with the deceased doing their favourite activity.
Best moment: Read for a laugh during a celebration of life
Pairs with: My Way, What a Wonderful World
Don't Cry for Me
Unknown
Don't cry for me now I have died, For I'm still here, right by your side. My body's gone but my soul is here, Just talk to me, I'll always hear. I'll watch you from the other side, I'll be the one to be your guide. So dry your eyes and don't be sad, Remember the good times that we had.
— Unknown
Light-hearted reassurance that gently treats death with a matter-of-fact tone rather than comedy.
Best moment: Read during a celebration of life
Pairs with: What a Wonderful World, My Way
The Dash (humorous take)
Unknown
I've lived between the dates upon my stone, And trust me, that dash was quite a ride. I laughed too loud, I loved too much, I took it all in my stride. I burned the dinner more than once, Forgot where I put the keys, But I lived that little dash with flair And did just what I pleased.
— Unknown
A humorous take on the 'dash' concept — celebrating a life lived to the full with wit rather than sentiment.
Best moment: Read during a celebration of life
Pairs with: My Way, What a Wonderful World
I'm Spending My Christmas with Jesus This Year
Unknown
I'm spending my Christmas with Jesus this year, I couldn't wait for the holidays, I wanted to be here. I know this isn't the Christmas that you planned, But I hope you'll try to understand. The place is so beautiful, beyond my wildest dreams, There's peace and joy and happiness; I know how strange that seems. Please don't be sad or cry for me; I'm spending Christmas with the King, you see. I'll ask Him to bless you just for me, Merry Christmas from heaven, your family.
— Unknown
A seasonal twist — the deceased 'beat everyone' to the Christmas party in heaven, mixing gentle humour with Christian comfort.
Best moment: Read at a service near the Christmas season
Pairs with: Amazing Grace, What a Wonderful World
Buried With My Mobile
Unknown
Please don't put me in the ground Without my mobile phone. I need to check my Facebook page And answer all texts shown. I need to post a selfie or two To let my friends all know That the Wi-Fi up in Heaven Is a little bit too slow. But don't you worry 'bout me, love, I'll find a signal soon. I'll text you from the pearly gates And we'll FaceTime by the moon. So please don't cry too long for me, Just pick up your phone instead. And if you get a funny text, You'll know I'm not quite dead.
— Unknown
A thoroughly modern comic poem about needing to stay connected even in death — checking Facebook from heaven and FaceTiming by moonlight.
Best moment: During the eulogy or at the wake
Pairs with: My Way, Here Comes the Sun
Death
Sean Hughes
I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens. Or was that Woody Allen? Either way, When I go, I'd like to go laughing.
— Sean Hughes
Copyright Sean Hughes Estate.
A comedian's take on death — irreverent, self-deprecating and determined to get one last laugh.
Best moment: During the eulogy for someone with a great sense of humour
Pairs with: My Way, Here Comes the Sun
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it appropriate to use a funny poem at a funeral?
Yes, if it suits the deceased. Many people explicitly request humour at their funeral, and celebrations of life are specifically designed for laughter alongside tears. The key is knowing your audience: a funny poem works when the congregation knew and loved the deceased's sense of humour. When in doubt, choose a poem that is warm and gentle rather than dark or edgy.
Can you mix funny and serious readings at a funeral?
Absolutely, and this is often the most effective approach. A service might open with a serious poem, include a funny reading in the middle (often during the eulogy), and close with something comforting. The contrast between laughter and tears makes both more powerful. Many funerals are remembered best for the moment the congregation laughed.
What funny poem works for a celebration of life?
"If I Should Go" by Joyce Grenfell is the most popular funny poem for celebrations of life -- warm, gentle, and encouraging guests to be their "usual selves." "Pardon Me for Not Getting Up" gets a genuine laugh with its self-deprecating humour. "Warning" by Jenny Joseph celebrates living fully and suits spirited women.
Are there funny funeral poems that aren't too dark?
"If I Should Go" by Grenfell is warm without being dark. "Warning" by Jenny Joseph is joyful and defiant. "Pardon Me for Not Getting Up" uses gentle puns rather than black comedy. "Don't Cry for Me" is light-hearted but not cynical. Avoid Spike Milligan's material if the family prefers gentle humour over sharp wit.
Can I use song lyrics as a funny funeral reading?
Yes. "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" from Monty Python is read as a poem at many funerals and often sung by the congregation. Song lyrics by artists the deceased loved can be read aloud as poetry. Check our funny funeral songs page for songs whose lyrics work as standalone readings.