My Way

The melody was composed in 1967 by Jacques Revaux and Claude François as Comme d'habitude ("As Usual")—a melancholic chanson about a failing relationship. The French original described a life emptied by routine: "We will make love as usual / We will fake it... as usual." It was resignation, not resistance.

In 1968, Paul Anka heard the melody on French radio and acquired the rights for a nominal fee. Back in New York, he had dinner with Sinatra, who confided: "I'm quitting the business. I'm sick of it."

Anka returned to his apartment at 1:00 AM and asked himself: "If Frank were writing this, what would he say?" He channeled the Rat Pack persona—the tough, unapologetic, mob-adjacent archetype—using "steam room" vernacular like "I ate it up and spit it out." By 5:00 AM, he had the lyrics. He called Sinatra: "I've got something special for your last album."

The song operates as a "secular eulogy," rewriting the deceased's life narrative to emphasize agency over accident.

"Final curtain" as conclusion: Death is framed not as biological failure, but as the conclusion of a performance. The life was a show; the deceased was the star. This theatricality allows mourners to view the casket as a stage from which the protagonist takes their final bow.

Secular absolution: In religious contexts, death is a time for confession. "My Way" inverts this—the protagonist absolves themselves. By claiming regrets are "too few to mention," it rewrites history, minimizing failures and maximizing intent.

The theological problem: Traditional liturgy emphasizes "Thy will be done." "My Way" asserts the unlimited power of human will. Religious commentators call it a "hymn to self" or an anthem of "egomaniac pigheadedness." Some Catholic and Anglican parishes refuse to play it during Mass.

A profound irony: the man whose voice carries thousands of coffins each year grew to despise the song. He called it "self-serving," "self-indulgent," and "a real pain in the you-know-where."

Sinatra prided himself on the sophisticated swing of Cole Porter. He found "My Way" lacking in wit—its relentless declaration of ego was "pop" in the pejorative sense.

Yet despite his hatred, Sinatra delivered it with undeniable conviction. His vocal technique imbued the lyrics with gravitas that transcended their "boastfulness." The singer sounds convinced of his own rectitude, which convinces the mourners of the same.

Sinatra was trapped in a loop of performing a song he loathed because it was the mirror the public wanted to hold up to him—and by extension, to themselves.

Funeral directors identify a specific personality archetype:

The "rugged individualist": Men of the Silent Generation and early Baby Boomers—stubborn, self-made, defiant. Those who ran their own businesses, rejected advice, or lived unconventional lives.

The "difficult" man: For families of fathers who were distant, demanding, or flawed, "My Way" offers a therapeutic compromise. It acknowledges friction while packaging it as integrity. It allows families to honor the deceased's strength without necessarily endorsing all their choices.

The gender divide: The song is overwhelmingly requested for men. Its aggressive assertion of autonomy ("I did it my way") contrasts with songs like "Wind Beneath My Wings," which acknowledges dependency and gratitude.

The Kray Twins: Both Ronnie (1995) and Reggie (2000) Kray had funerals featuring "My Way" as the coffin was carried out. Why do criminals gravitate toward this song? It validates the criminal lifestyle as "independence"—"I did it my way" becomes a euphemism for "I lived outside the law."

Malcolm McLaren (2010): The Sex Pistols manager was buried to the Sid Vicious version. His coffin was spray-painted "Too Fast To Live Too Young To Die."

Alexei Navalny (2024): The Russian opposition leader's funeral featured the song, symbolizing ultimate defiance against an oppressive state.

The "My Way" killings: In the Philippines, the song is banned from karaoke bars due to violence triggered by off-key performances. This dark undertone affects its reputation when selected for younger, volatile men.

For over a decade, "My Way" was the undisputed #1 funeral song in the UK—played at an estimated one in seven funerals at its peak.

The recent shift: By 2024, "Time to Say Goodbye" overtook "My Way." This indicates a cultural pivot from defiance ("I did it my way") to sorrowful parting ("I'll go with you"). The "stiff upper lip" is softening.

The hymn collapse: For the first time in chart history, traditional hymns have fallen out of the Top 10 entirely—replaced by secular pop and TV themes.

Funeral director fatigue: Staff may hear the song 3-5 times per day. It often appears on lists of songs staff would least want at their own funerals. Yet families still find it profound—the disconnect between professional fatigue and personal meaning persists.

Best placement:

• Recessional (highly recommended): As the coffin exits, the swelling climax provides an uplifting send-off. It transforms the exit into a "victory lap"
• Processional (not recommended): "And now the end is near" sets too heavy a tone at the start—nowhere for the emotional arc to go
• Photo montage: Possible, but the bombast can overpower quiet contemplation. Manage volume carefully

The time problem: At 4:35, it's long for a 20-30 minute crematorium slot. Fading out robs the service of the final crescendo ("The record shows I took the blows!"). Use as exit music so it can play in full.

Version selection:

• Sinatra: Safe, respectful, commanding—the gold standard
• Elvis: More tragic, emotional, operatic—for younger men or tragic deaths
• Sid Vicious: Contains "c-nt" and "f-ck"—only for specific subcultures. Warn the officiant!
• Instrumental: For religious settings where the lyrics feel too arrogant